I used to question, even dislike, being a deeply feeling person. As a Doula, it serves in ways that are completely necessary. I feel true and genuine love for every woman and family that includes me in such a sacred space with them. I still find myself being intentional about composing my over-excitement at the sound of a newly inquiring Mother on the other end of a phone call. The gratitude I feel for this life is overwhelming and I wish it to never disappear.
I’ve wondered if it’s possible to feel too much for my clients…
The days when I sit in my car with tears in my eyes and a knot in my stomach because of shared trauma related to a past birth; my body grieves for hers. Sometimes it’s being so distracted & overjoyed by the sibling (that’s now a toddler) whose birth I remember moment-by-moment, that I briefly forget to Doula the expectant Mother! My heart is painfully full. It’s those few days after a birth when my body also spots off-cycle…reminding me that I too, am physically and emotionally all-in.
While you won’t often hear me address spirituality while also holding my professional capacity as a birth worker, there is no-doubt a big connection between the two in my personal life. It’s important that my clients feel free in their own forms of worship paired with my unbiased support. For me, the Sun is my higher power and explains a bit of the story behind my business logo. For too long, the truth of the power of our births has been shrouded in darkness. Shedding light on our human rights and highlighting the voices of those giving birth is my purpose.
And with light, there is also sometimes darkness. It is there I pray that deep love helps. Babies are remembered and so deeply loved. Each one of them has a piece of my heart forever, as do their families.
From the moment we are born, crying is the sound of being alive. To live in this life fully, I have learned to cry whole heartedly. To love whole heartedly, is to serve as a Doula. I cannot and will not do this work any other way. I wonder if my clients know that I really couldn’t live, or love, without them?